Thursday, August 20, 2009


"Oh, sweetie, don't worry... there was once a lady in my church who got married for the first time when she was fifty and" SLAP. That is what I would like to do when someone gives me that story: I'd like to land a huge, resounding, open-fisted b!t@h slap on their chin. I've even thought it in my head while I plaster a thoughtful, I am listening smile on my ever more annoyed face. It is one of my single girl fantasies, to punch or slap the next married woman who smiles and tells me that I just need to be more patient and then uses that horrible line as if it is meant to comfort me. I KNOW that God will work in His time, I KNOW that things happen when they are supposed to, but I DON'T WANT TO HEAR about the fifty year old woman who found love for the first time. This is NOT encouraging, married people. It is not fun to think that when the best years of your youth are gone, you will find that special someone and begin a life together. It's not fun.
So all you well meaning, wonderfully wed women out there, thank you but no thank you when it comes to that story. Instead, why don't you put your pity eyes back in your head and find a way to take your friend's mind off her singleness. (No, that doesn't mean that you share the evils of your married life with us) Take her out for a drink or dinner, remember the times that you were both single and being silly together. Do something, anything that has NOTHING to do with whether you are married, in a relationship or single. Just be a friend, not a married friend.


  1. Its funny how we talk about singleness as being a choice but none that anyone is really interested in.

  2. GIRL I would TOTALLY take you out for a drink if you were nearby! Or three. Honestly? I think God cringes every time someone says something like that, or when someone says "Oh well God must have other plans for you" when someone is infertile. SLAP!!
    XOX AprilMay

  3. AMEN.

    (I still can't post normally with my blogger account...why is that?)

  4. This is such a issue for me! Society just doesn't deal with heartache well... people want to say something to sooth but just can't get it right. After my miscarriages, I got a lot of "it's for the best" "I know someone who had # miscarriages and then had a successful one" and "at least it wasn't born with a problem" umm... this is silver lining? No, I lost something and it hurts, a simple "I'm so sorry" will do if you can't admit out loud that someone's pain is justified. When we suffer loss, we need to cry (and eat ice cream) and then try to pick up the pieces. It doesn't help to hear about some one who lost more than us or that this is for the best. Our pain is justified and I wish people were better at phrasing that. They do mean well though, I repeat that a lot in my head when people say hurtful well-intentioned things.

    I hope the pain fades quickly, that you can find some joy in getting to know yourself as a strong female while you heal, and that that your match and you connect really really soon sweetie.