Saturday, February 20, 2010

And the weeding continues...

So, I made this wonderful promise to myself to no longer be foolish in dating and (more importantly) to keep fools out of my dating life (and life in general for that matter), but being lonely, I wondered if I would fail the test when the time came or if I would be able to stand my ground. Well, the test came. I met a guy (online, is there any other way to meet someone these days?) and we chatted for a few hours. He came across smart and well put together. So then we started texting one another and I really enjoyed how he seemed to think of me and to text me all the time. He wanted a date this weekend and I said yes. I had told him that I was not interested in moving too fast or anything as that seemed to be a mistake of my past and he told me not to build walls... now, I didn't think it was a wall necessarily, just and honest admission and a hope to be more aware in the future... but maybe that's not the way it comes across, who knows?! So I let that go until last night. Here is the general idea of our text conversation:
Him: hey, what's up?
Me: not much...just wondering. (I have to tell you here that it was Friday night and he hadn't formalized any plans of any sort, nor had he sent any messages for a day or two... the latter not being much of an issue, but you get the idea)
Him: wondering what?
Me: wondering what's going on for the weekend.
Him: Me too, you got kinda quiet.
Me: I got quiet because you did... not gonna chase you down! hahaha
Him: Be sweet, never asked you to chase me... I detect a wall going up.
Me: why do you see walls where there are none?
Him: okay, just seems like you have a men are all dogs things going. I am not your other men, those were YOUR mistakes.
Me: wow, enough said.
Me: I don't really appreciate being insulted like that. I have nothing but respect for my past men... sure, mistakes were made, but on both sides.
Him: just saying.
Me: Maybe you are the one projecting, maybe your past women were man haters, but I'm not.
Him: no, they were lovers, loved me.
Me: good.
Him: smile, buddy.
Me:(silence.... I mean, really, what does one say to that?!)
Him: or not.
Me: I really don't know what to say to someone who insults me and doesn't even know me... someone who I was interested in having a date with.
Him: wasn't meant to insult, was meant to loosen you up a little.And your use of the past tense was makes me think you aren't interested anymore.
Me: if was anymore loosened up, I'd stop breathing! And I have lost interest. I don't like being insulted before I even meet a person.
Me (again): and to be honest, you should like me for me... it's simple. Whether I am high strung or laid back.
Him: nah, see now I lost interest.
Me: no worries, you were just one in the sea of many.
Him: lol
Me: just saying (and then I deleted him contact info from my phone)

So... how did I do, gang? My roomie was insulted on my behalf when I read her his messages and my responses last night. She said good riddance to bad rubbish (which I agree with). Did I pass one of the first tests of my promise to myself? I think so. Yah me!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Man Combo, Please!

You know those restaurants that you go into and they have the option to create your own combo meal? Well, I wish it was the same when you are selecting a partner for life. For the sake of fantasy, here is my order (and I have to say that it is based on the best qualities from past boyfriends and men that I dated):

My first kiss was so passionate and full of sweet surprise so that would surely be part of the combo. My first boyfriend was relentless in his desire to do nice things for me, so add that to the mix. Next, I'd like to add that the next boyfriend was sweet and giving, always by my side when I needed him, with face massages and gentle words, so please add that as well. Then there were a smattering of boys I dated and some of them were passionate, funny, giving, and entertaining... so I'd like to sprinkle that on my combo too. Then the last boyfriend was generous with his resources and prayers... so it's a must for my man combo. I must have a Christian man! And the one I've seen since then is tall, smart, ambitious, sexy and physically fit, so throw that in too!

Doesn't that seem like a good combo? *sigh* So if I could just combine the boyfriend ghosts of the past into one man, I'd have what I think I deserve. ;)

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Promise Ring

Okay, here it is. I finally found it and went to the store and got it today. This ring will remind me that I have sparkle (it is silver with diamonds) in my eyes and need sparkle in theirs. It will remind me that I am strong, that I am worth the very best in life... It will remind me to make better choices in the men that I date and to have my eyes open instead of blinded by "love." It will not come off my left ring finger until someone places one so much better, bigger and full of love and commitment on it.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Promise Ring for myself

Okay, so I've been keeping my eye out for this promise ring that I want to get myself but have had no luck so far. I don't want to get something that looks like an engagement ring or a wedding band, I just want something that is special and beautiful and reminds me of my worth.... too much to ask? I don't know. I will keep my eyes open to see if I can find it. I will post a picture of it up here once I do find it because I am determined to do this.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Promise

I've decided to make a promise to myself this Valentine's Day. This day, as I've said before, is the worst day for me. It makes me feel more alone, more sad and more pathetic than ever. Every year, I have been disappointed this day. Even when I was in relationships and seemingly happy, I was disappointed. The men I have dated, think that Valentine's Day is a silly holiday not worth celebrating... which leads me to believe that the relationships I was in were not worth much to them. Because, to me anyway, it stands to reason that if you tell someone that you love them (as I was told) that on the day that celebrates love all around the world, that you would find a way to tell that person. It's not that I needed to have all the glittery things in life, but a card... shoot... even a text message. I'm not that hard to please, but I am a woman and I want to be cherished and recognized for the value that I have to the person that I am in a relationship with... and I don't want to have to ask for it... love isn't about begging to be shown that love... but I was made to beg for it. So this year, I'm taking a different path. This year, I am choosing to still hate this holiday for all the pain it's brought me but to love myself instead of waiting for love. I am buying myself a promise ring as a symbol of my promise to myself to never be gullible and foolhardy in a relationship again. I am usually so easily drawn in and trusting of men and I just can't be that anymore... so this ring will be a symbol of how I am WORTH it!

Monday, February 1, 2010


And here it is again, the month where love is celebrated. This is the month that always leaves me depressed. It's the longest month of the year to me (even though it is technically the shortest). It's not just that this month is about love, it's the fact that winter feels like it is just dragging on too long at this point. But, if I am honest with myself, the worst part is having to sit through all the lovey-dovey stuff. I am single, it's not easy, especially when most of my friends have significant others. In Korea, it never bothered me as much because I had loads of single friends and we'd have a group "date" that day or do something not related to the day. But here in the US, it's just awful. It's such a strong reminder of how alone I am here. My friends are lovely, but none of them are single and will be romancing the weekend away (not that I can blame them). *sigh*
Shouldn't this holiday be a celebration of ALL kinds of love? Why has it become a celebration of only romantic love?