Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I hope my friend will forgive me for posting this (I won't use names or anything, but the inspiration for this post comes from a very real situation) but I feel like I am fed up with the excuse of FEAR.
If you don't know what I am talking about, it's when your significant other breaks up with you and the only reason that they give is that the commitment scares them. Really?! Didn't you think it would scare me too?
*sigh* I speak from experience on this one too. My last serious relationship and a minor one after that ended due to fear. In the serious relationship, my boyfriend decided that the fear of not knowing if it would last forever was too much. He began to doubt his feelings, his desires, if he was capable of being married. Basically it was fear of commitment. In the minor relationship it boiled down to the same thing: fear. He was afraid of asking me to stay around to try it out. He was afraid to see where things could go and when I decided that I needed to put me first, he became afraid of distance and the kind of "character" I had.
Well, here is what I have to say to that: GROW THE HELL UP! Sorry.... but it makes me mad. Fear is valid, but it's not a valid excuse to end a relationship or to not try something new or to not take a chance. As taken from another friend's facebook status:
If you are never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances. By: Julia Soul
And we have all been scared and embarrassed and hurt. And it's never fun, but it makes life for the living. From the moment we are born, we are already on dying. It's just that simple. After that first breath, we could be breathing our last. We just never know and if we tuck into our shell like the picture, then we aren't living. God gave us life for living, for enjoying, for making the most of in honour to Him. And when we are afraid to take steps forward in our life, we are just hiding in the dark doing a disservice to ourselves.
So if you are in a relationship that isn't working... figure out why it isn't working and get out for THAT reason, not because you are afraid. If you are in a relationship and you are afraid, talk about it with your partner. I know that I sure wish KJ had done that with me. I was scared too, but I was willing to swallow my fear and some of my pride and ride the bumpy road together because the one thing I was sure of was that I loved him enough to try.
Relationships and life are scary, they just are. But it doesn't mean that we hide, or shrink away. We have to try, to fight our fears and stop sinking into them.
I hope none of you ever has to hear the excuse of fear in a relationship that you are in ever again. It's a lame excuse. If we all gave in to our fears, nothing would get done or happen anywhere in the world. We'd all just be in our own little dark shells waiting for someone else to grow the balls it takes to take a step outside.

Perfect? Is There Such a Thing?

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

Being perfect just isn't reality... not in relationships, not in love, not in school, not in sleep, not in physical being, not in emotional well-being... not in anyway. There is NO "perfect" and I wish more of us could come to grips with it.

Today, I saw this post as part of a blog I now subscribe to via my Facebook account: Single Dad Laughing. I know it seems odd for a single, childless woman to read a blog by a single dad, but it's not all about parenting. It's about life, about how perfection is like a disease and that is ruins us. My friend posted one of his posts and I read it and felt shaken to my core: "Perfection" Read it... and be REAL for a change... follow the quote above... give up on being perfect and try to just be yourself!

Friday, June 3, 2011


I don't know what else to title this entry. It's been a long time since I reflected on my dating life, but here I am doing it. I was actually thinking about it last night as two guys that I don't know well (I met them online and we just chat) were working hard to convince me that they were the ones I needed to date. And I began to think about it (things with the Turkish guy have fizzled out to nothing... which is fine, I'm not actually upset about it). I thought about why they may or may not be good candidates for me. And they ended up not being what I need or want in my life and that's okay by me too (not them apparently as they both spent over 30+ minutes trying to convince me that distance is nothing.... one lives in London and the other in the US... and that there are a myriad of reasons why I should give them a try). But I will be honest... I'm jaded. I don't want to do long distance or any distance anymore at the start of a relationship. It's too hard and it makes things move at unnatural speeds. Would I be opposed to trying distance if a strong relationship that was marriage minded developed and then needed distance due to careers for a specific period of time? No... I'd give it a try... but I don't want to start at a distance...
Well, then I got to thinking about why I was still choosing these emotionally unavailable men and why I was so emotionally unavailable and while I still don't have an answer, I feel like there is a lot of work that needs to be done within before I can look for love from without. It makes me sad that at 35 I've wasted so much time thinking that I wasn't the issue or that it could be fixed with something quick and easy. I'm sad that I feel like opportunity has passed me by... I'm sad that I feel like I'm almost locked into a life of loneliness (although, I am pretty sure it is the PMS talking at this moment)... I'm just sad about the whole thing and I am wishing that my girls were nearby for a night with some wine, some tears, some laughs and a feeling like the weight that is heavy on my shoulders was lifted even for a little bit.
When I set out to write this blog, I did it because I needed an outlet for my fears, my funny single stories and my honest, raw feelings. I had hoped that it would be a short term way to deal with a heavy heartache but it's turning into something a little more long term. I'm full of regrets over how I've "dealt" with the heartache... I don't think I have. I think I've buried it in hopes that it would disappear or just heal on it's own. I just have a lot of work to do on just me...
And with that in mind, I am taking myself off the dating market for a time. I just need time to get things right within me... I hope that if Mr. Right stumbles into me during this time, he has the patience to be my friend and wait until I'm ready to accept and seek love from without... I'm ready to love, but being loved has to come from myself first and I haven't really allowed that properly in a long time.