Saturday, October 31, 2009

Gullible Girl

I am so sick of being so gullible and trusting. Why is it that I fall for everything? Last week I went on a date and it was one of the best first dates I'd been on. It was just a simple dinner, but the company was so enjoyable to look at and to talk too. He made me feel beautiful and comfortable and myself right from the get go. We met online at eHarmony and had gone through all the answering of questions etc and I felt like I was really getting to know him. When he finally asked for the date, I was really excited as I was almost positive that he'd forgotten about me at that point (we hadn't chatted or emailed in about 2 weeks). And as I said, the date went well and there was lots of talk about a second date (from him). I was elated when he wanted to set a date early in the week. The second date was meant to take place up in W-burg but he ended up canceling because he was invited to the Obama rally at Old Dominion University. What an awesome opportunity for him and I can't compete with seeing the president speak (I know because I've seen him speak live and the man is amazing!). So then a new second date was set for the next day and I got stood up (a first for me) but I accepted his apology and left the rescheduling of the date in his hands. He promised to make it up to me, to plan a wonderful and romantic date. So when he texted me on Friday for a date, I was pretty happy. Unfortunately I had already made plans with friends to go to the movies. I told him that he could come with us and then he and I could do something separate afterwards... or if since it was hard to book a date, I postponed my stuff with my friends and met with him instead. I heard nothing back... NOTHING. I feel so stupid, like I am too forgiving, too trusting, too stupid. Am I gullible? Am I stupid? Am I too trusting? I don't want to have a hard heart or give up, but how much am I suposed to take? *sigh* I need my wonderful friends to be in my back pocket and brain while I walk through this process of finding Mr. Right. I don't want Mr. Right-Now anymore... I want Mr. Right but it's so hard for me to figure out the intentions of a guy.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Different Era

My mom is in her early sixties now and she loves to console me about my dating life... and when I try to tell her that she doesn't understand I am sure it insults her. But the thing is, she doesn't.

My mom was married by the time she was 20 and had loads of men chasing her through her teens. She met my dad on a fix-up and had the nerve to not be overly interested for a while because she had the luxury of choosing other men who were pursuing her until she realized that my dad was the best man around. Nowadays it is different.

I am 34 and have very few prospects on the horizon but it is a heck of a lot more than I had at 20, that's for sure! I never dated through my teens years and haven't had a lot of guys knocking down my door for a date ever. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever even been on a "date." I've hung out with a guy here and there, but there hasn't been that old fashioned idea of a date in my life ever.

And I've never been on a fix-up date ever either... but I think that might be my fault. My friends are probably all nervous to even try fixing me up because I am pretty picky (I'm looking for a guy that looks at me the way my father and their husbands look at my mother and them, respectively).

So, times are different and that generation can't understand what it is to be like me. Also, none of my married friends really get it either, they were never 34 and single... I am. I love the desire to empathize with me, but face it married people... you can't. So instead, just sympathize and love me through the fun, quirky, sometimes ugly phase of singleness.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What I Deserve....

I really haven't blogged on this blog in a while. I have been talking to someone new and he seems really great but I've begun to question what I really want. He doesn't live right here either and it seems that he wants me to come and see him instead of coming down this way or meeting half way. So I began to think about what I deserve. I deserve first place ALWAYS! I mean, I know that there are times when I should choose to take second so that he can advance his career or whatever (the he in this case is no one in particular), but that would be because I was making HIM FIRST PLACE in my life.... which is what he would deserve. And I just think long distance isn't making me first place. I don't know... I am just not into making all the effort and then to be left hanging. That is what happened last time and if nothing else, I needed to learn from my mistakes right?
So here is what I deserve... my bucket list for a life-long relationship if you will:

I deserve to be the most important PERSON in his life (not the most important overall, that needs to be Christ).

I deserve to be treated like a queen.

I deserve to be forgiven when my stress and emotions get the better of me and I am not always nice.

I deserve to laugh a lot!

I deserve to feel safe and secure.

I deserve open and HONEST communication at ALL times, no exceptions.

Of course if I deserve these things, the man that I am in that relationship with would also deserve the same from me....

Not too much to ask, is it? I see lots of people getting these things in their relationships but I don't seem to be able to find that for mine... hence the title of Chronically Single...

Saturday, October 3, 2009

3 Names on Facebook

You know, today I was bored (what else is new?) and I was looking at the profiles of my friends on facebook. Most of my female friends (and male too really) are married. As I was stalking their profiles (and thereby their lives), I began to think about their screen names.
Most of my married friends have their first name, their maiden name and then there married name. I love that because it pays homage to both times in their lives (and it makes them a hell of a lot easier to find on facebook when you haven't seen or heard from them for a long time BEFORE they were married and you don't know their new married name). But as I continued to look, I began to think of my single status and my 2 lonely names on facebook. I want 3 names too! I know it seems silly, but I do.
I am at a place in my life where I am so ready to share it with someone else. Don't get scared friends, I am not desperate nor am I joining the Moonies for a mass wedding, I am just coming the realisation that I am fianlly ready for that step in life. I wasn't ready in my 20s, that's for sure. I still had no idea who I was yet. I wasn't ready as I was entering my 30s either, I was too busy enjoying the discovery of who I am. But now, now I am ready and there is no prospect on the horizon. And thanks to Dr. Phil, it has me worried.
His show yesterday talked about how the marketability of women goes WAY down as they age. I am only 34 but even I feel this. A few years back, lots of guys were interested to date me and I never had a shortage of flirtatious moments... but now, it is like pulling teeth to get a second look (yes, this could be because I am chubby, I will grant you that, but I was chubby then too... although less chubby). *sigh*
Maybe 3 names on facebook just isn't in the cards for me...