Monday, February 11, 2013

Another Red Flag: Too Familiar Too Soon

I know I said that this would be a 10 entry series, but I broke that with the bonus entry on presents.  And then I asked my friends if they had any suggestions and I came away with two more entries, this is one of them.

Have you ever gone on a date or been hit on and the other person immediately glosses over your name and immediately begins with the pet names?  I have, I've even had it happen while chatting online to decide if I want to even go on the first date.  And since this suggestion came from a friend, I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's experienced this.  Here is why it's concerning:

Pet names should be reserved for people you actually know.  When someone starts using a pet name with me right away, it leaves me feeling cheapened.  Why? Because if my name isn't memorable, I'm fairly sure I'm not either and this date isn't going to turn into anything more than a physical interaction.  And since that's not what I want in my relationships, it should be a red flag right away (has it always been, nope... I'm a slow learner).

So drop the nicknames until you know that person, don't get too familiar until you have a reason to.  Each person has a name for a reason... use it!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Red Flag #10: Sad, Sad, Sad

It's been a busy few weeks and I haven't had much time to do as much writing as I would have liked.  So, apologies for the late entry.  This is meant to be my last red flag entry (although I have some great ideas from friends), so I hope you've enjoyed the series.

The reason I came up with this red flag is from a very specific incident that happened to me near the end of my most serious relationship.  I remember it almost more clearly than the actual break up that happened a short time later.  Here's what happened:

I went to the grocery store to do a little shop for the week.  I remember that I wasn't wearing any make-up, was dressed down in my most comfy clothes and my hair can only be described as a mess.  But I didn't care, I had a boyfriend who I loved with my whole heart, so I didn't care to impress strangers on a 30 minute grocery shop.  I remember wandering the aisles looking for a few specific ingredients.  My mind wasn't on anything in particular.  I remember noticing a very handsome man walk past me at one point, he gave a second glance (which I immediately attributed to my ghetto styling of the day).  I met him again in another aisle and this time he spoke to me (even a few years later I remember his words perfectly and clearly): "I sure hope that whoever he is, he is good to you because you are just too beautiful to look so sad."  I remember blushing at the obvious compliment and mumbling something about how my someone was good to me.  And then I remember that that comment was under my skin for days and weeks.  I remember thinking to myself, am I sad?  How does he see it? And I remember clearly coming to the conclusion that this stranger was right, I wasn't happy in my relationship, I was sad, very sad.  It wasn't long after that that my relationship came crashing down and as much as it hurt, I knew it wasn't the right relationship because I shouldn't have felt alone and sad, I should have felt loved and cared for, treasured and happy.  But I didn't.

So the red flag in all of this is to not be afraid of the ways that strangers can sometimes see the things you aren't aware of.  And if your sadness or unhappiness is that visible to a stranger, then you need to pay attention to that.