Thursday, September 9, 2010

Greatest Support System, EVER!!

I think that everyone needs a support system. Think about it, most countries have one (think government, infrastructure, citizens), most businesses do (stocks, money coming in, going out, workers etc) and people have it too (family, friends etc). But the one that I am thinking of is the support system for single women and men... more so the ladies (sorry guys, but I really have no clue what it's like to be a single dude... dudette, I got... dude, no).

Today I was having important hang out time with one of my single friends and we began to talk about all kinds of things. We talked about school, higher learning, books we've read, memories from our university days, men we've dated, goals we have and the list could go on for pages and pages. I love days and people like her. She sets my mind to thinking and my fingers to typing... it's good.

Anyway, much after our chat I began to think of the importance of support systems in my life. As a 35 (yes, spinster or old maid in the eyes of some but not mine!!) year old single woman, I began to wonder what were the support systems in my chronically single walk (yes, it feels like a disease sometimes... I don't think it's contagious though... but if it is, whoever gave it to me is going to get it!!!). Sure, sure, there are the obvious ones of family and friends (and I am ever grateful for that) but beyond that, what do I lean on to help me get through days of loneliness etc?

Well, here is what I have. I'd be interested to know what your (men, women, single or involved) support systems are too.

1. I am a woman of faith, so that's my number one support system: God. I spend a lot of time praying and talking to him, trying to discern what direction to go and where to retreat.

2. My single friends... don't be distressed married friends... some of you are soul sistas/brothas and I couldn't do without you either... but whether you are newly married or married for years, you don't know what it is to be single today, at 35. So it's good to lean on others who share my experiences. I need them so that I don't feel like a complete failure in my romantic life. They help me to see that being single isn't the end of things... married people, you don't make me feel like it's the end, but sometimes it's hard to see your happiness and not long for my own. So, a balance of singles and marrieds is what works best for me.

3. My parents... I'm VERY close with my parents. My father is a hero to me... I love the way he loves my mom and I love the way he is so giving and kind, not to mention manly, strong, sensitive, funny, responsible and SMART!! My mom is beyond a heroine to me... she has a strength that I will never know and I am grateful for her and her wisdom daily (it's her birthday in a couple of days... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!). They show me what relationships take to work... lots of love, patience and the willingness to choose each other daily.

4. My kindred spirits.... these are women who know my heart without me having to say words. When they are in pain, I cry with them and they do the same for me. We are closer than sisters... they push me to be better, ask me questions that force me to think beyond the here and now and they always want the best for me (LG, ST, SA-M, SJ, KH, DO and NG... you are my GIRLS).

5. Books... sounds weird, right? But sometimes the best way to feel better for me is in printed word. I had someone ask me if I really needed to read books on relationships to know how to handle them (what do you think: 35, all failed relationships? Hm.... maybe I need some help and advice!! haha). I do... I learn best through reading and visual representations... so reading books on relationships, on the psychology of things etc help me feel supported, smarter and stronger.

So there you have it... those are my support system... what's yours?

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