A blog by a woman who simply can't make relationships work, so instead of wallowing in self-pity, she decided to explore singleness with some humour and honesty.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Perhaps I am too much sometimes. As I explained to the guy I really like, I just don't know how to fall in love a little at a time, or to stop halfway. I am an all or nothing kind of girl, and some people find that too much. I commit fully to whatever it is that I am doing. So if I find something funny, I commit to laughing wholeheartedly (and for those of you that know me, that's pretty loud). I don't really know how to snicker quietly in the corner or how to laugh softly. I throw my head back, open my mouth and let out a good, loud laugh (which my ex told me was too loud for him... guess I was too much for him, meh). I am that way in like and love... I go in with both feet. Now, I tend to think that this is a quirky, but endearing trait. However, I am getting the idea these days that most men don't feel the same. Perhaps they are intimidated by my full embrace of things in my life (funny, sad, angry, loving, amusing, whatever life throws at me), or perhaps it is a turn off. I don't really know... but today as I was laughing out loud with a couple of friends over silly stories of living in a foreign land, I thought about it. Perhaps it's too much... and that's okay. I don't mind being too much if it means that I am living life to the fullest. One thing I know I will never do again in a relationship is tailor myself just to the needs of the other person and thereby lose myself in the process. I am all about making compromises and sacrifices to serve the one I am with, but I will not alter the essence of who I am... and being less than too much would be doing that.