Something I am not is timid. I don't have it in me to sit back and let life pass me by. I am not a passive person (although I've learned to be passive aggressive in relationships - especially the past serious one, because I was so afraid to say what I meant for fear that it would drive him off, hahahaha). I don't like confrontation but I don't fear it either. The reason I say all these things is because when I get into a relationship or when I date a guy or when I even meet a guy who really interests me, I lose that part of myself. I become the ultimate pleaser. All I want to do at that point is make sure that the other person is happy, even if it is at my expense. And I don't know where I got that from, my parents aren't like that... I don't see that in all the relationships around me. Instead I see a healthy respect for the other person's wants and needs. I see give and take, I see love in the reality of both people being who they are entirely. I like that. And so, I've decided to be who I am always and if the person I meet, date or am in a relationship with can't handle it or doesn't like it... so be it!
Now, I know this sounds silly, but the way I expressed this return to self was while I was away at a professional development conference. I was myself the entire time, it was wonderful. One night, my colleague and I went out for dinner and the VERY attractive waiter was very flirtatious (which is also part of my nature, so I flirted right back). I was having a ball, making good eye contact, laughing, joking and just generally having a good time. I also caught him looking at me a time or two and so on. So, in my bold nature, I decided to leave him a little note with the cheque and my number. My co-worker (who is younger and shyer) was shocked and a little appalled, but I did it anyway. And wouldn't you know, he texted me the very next day with a very flattering text and to respectfully let me know that he was currently seeing someone else. I told him that I appreciated both the compliment and the respect he was giving his lady... it was great! I knew the attraction was real and he respected me and his lady enough to be sweet and honest. See... being my BOLD self, has it's benefits!
"The Perfect Relationship"
9 years ago