Something I am not is timid. I don't have it in me to sit back and let life pass me by. I am not a passive person (although I've learned to be passive aggressive in relationships - especially the past serious one, because I was so afraid to say what I meant for fear that it would drive him off, hahahaha). I don't like confrontation but I don't fear it either. The reason I say all these things is because when I get into a relationship or when I date a guy or when I even meet a guy who really interests me, I lose that part of myself. I become the ultimate pleaser. All I want to do at that point is make sure that the other person is happy, even if it is at my expense. And I don't know where I got that from, my parents aren't like that... I don't see that in all the relationships around me. Instead I see a healthy respect for the other person's wants and needs. I see give and take, I see love in the reality of both people being who they are entirely. I like that. And so, I've decided to be who I am always and if the person I meet, date or am in a relationship with can't handle it or doesn't like it... so be it!
Now, I know this sounds silly, but the way I expressed this return to self was while I was away at a professional development conference. I was myself the entire time, it was wonderful. One night, my colleague and I went out for dinner and the VERY attractive waiter was very flirtatious (which is also part of my nature, so I flirted right back). I was having a ball, making good eye contact, laughing, joking and just generally having a good time. I also caught him looking at me a time or two and so on. So, in my bold nature, I decided to leave him a little note with the cheque and my number. My co-worker (who is younger and shyer) was shocked and a little appalled, but I did it anyway. And wouldn't you know, he texted me the very next day with a very flattering text and to respectfully let me know that he was currently seeing someone else. I told him that I appreciated both the compliment and the respect he was giving his lady... it was great! I knew the attraction was real and he respected me and his lady enough to be sweet and honest. See... being my BOLD self, has it's benefits!
"The Perfect Relationship"
12 years ago
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