That's what I feel like sometimes. I know that I am beautiful. I know that I am smart. I know that I am funny. I know that I am even sexy. I know that I am faithful. I know that I am honest. I know that I am trustworthy. I know that I am a GREAT catch... but sometimes I don't feel like it. At 36, it's hard to feel like all of those things when you go out with friends and every guy is only looking at them.
The other night I was out with friends. I was having a great time (and overall did have a great time all night). We were having drinks and dancing. It was so much fun. There were cute boys everywhere and they even flirted with me a bit. And, I'm in a state of limbo in my life right now, so being flirted with is more than enough to ask for, to be honest. So I was in my glory, feeling beautiful and all those things I mentioned. Then my friends began to get all the attention.
Later as I looked at how I felt bad at the end of the night, I began to realize that I was feeling like a second-choice-Sally. I began to feel like I was the one that was good enough to flirt and dance with as long as another girl wasn't around. It was a horrible, insecure moment for me. I've been battling my self-esteem most of my life and thought I'd made great gains (and maybe I have and it was just a low point. Who knows?). Of course it didn't help that one friend continued to pursue a pretty heavy flirtation with a guy I had told her that I was interested in. But I guess he wasn't interested as he was pretty much glued to her on the floor. Oh well...
"The Perfect Relationship"
5 years ago