Monday, September 19, 2011

Fools Rush In

And that would be me... I am a fool. A fool to blindly believe and trust, a fool to listen even. There was a lovely guy that I dated last year. I really liked him and I thought it was mutual. We spent good times together, hung out together, even met and hung out with each other's friends and then he just disappeared. Later I came to find out that he had been through some pretty yucky, stinky things in his life and his ex re-appeared and they reconnected. They got engaged and then he returned into my life wanting to explain. I listened, I cried for the bad things that had happened to him and I was sad that I lost out. Funny thing is that he continued to talk to me and not always in the way one does to a friend. I tried not to get my hopes up until this summer when we talked and he told me he had broken up with her and wanted to see me again. Messy, I know... but I've already given the disclaimer that I am a fool... So we talked about meeting up again once we were both back in country. He said he would be out of touch for a little while due to some new business things etc but that I could email him. I did and then never heard back (sound familiar... yea, I know). So I talked to a mutual friend who said he was here and engaged again to that woman again... Yup... played for a fool... AGAIN. But I really have no one to blame but myself. I know what I should do... I've read the books, given the advice and read all the blogs (I've even read my own blogs again to try and learn from my bad choices and mistakes)... so I know. I know I shouldn't blindly believe. I know I shouldn't trust from the onset, but it's like it is ingrained in my make up. I can't help myself... I just want to love and be loved. I just want to believe that the interest is real. *sigh* Guess I just need more time alone to figure it out. And I think I need to be more vigilant about following the advice so that I can stop looking like and feeling like the fool.

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