A blog by a woman who simply can't make relationships work, so instead of wallowing in self-pity, she decided to explore singleness with some humour and honesty.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Shut Trap, Avoid Self Sabotage
This is how I feel at the moment. And I think it's taken me many failed dating situations and relationships to get to this point. And the point that I'm at is that when getting to know someone new... try NOT to over-analyze every little word, message or anything else. Instead, enjoy the getting to know. Also, try not to demand too much in the beginning. In the getting to know a person, there is a feeling out of boundaries (which I feel like I am free to state at will... that's my perogative... but I also need to be realistic and gentle in stating what my boundaries.... if you know me, you know that I generally jump to listing EVERYthing that might be an issue right from get go) and what you will or will not accept. Generally, I mess this part up by becoming demanding with my list of "requirements" when in truth, what I need to do is relax, take the time to LISTEN and get to know the other person instead of jumping to conclusions and putting endings on sentences that are unspoken as of yet. So basically, my current approach is to SHUT UP, LISTEN and get to know the person and by doing this, I am hoping to avoid my normal special skill of sabotaging anything before it even gets started. Now, you may think that my "new" outlook is simple but for a 36 year-old chronically single woman who is particularly skilled at the art (oh, yes, it must be an art to mess things up and quickly and skillfully as I can) of self-sabotage, nothing could be harder. Keeping my mouth shut (yes, Dad, you were right... I am too opinionated and I do often HAVE to be right, but I'm learning to shut it) goes against the grain of my being, but I've been learning important lessons lately and one of them is to SHUT UP on occasion... my opinions and need to be right is off-putting and isn't always necessary for harmony and a budding relationship (don't get crazy here folks... just stating where my mind is at at the moment). So, that's my new tactic in approaching my dating life... I'll let you know how it works out for me (if it works out for me in the future).