Saturday, February 20, 2010

And the weeding continues...

So, I made this wonderful promise to myself to no longer be foolish in dating and (more importantly) to keep fools out of my dating life (and life in general for that matter), but being lonely, I wondered if I would fail the test when the time came or if I would be able to stand my ground. Well, the test came. I met a guy (online, is there any other way to meet someone these days?) and we chatted for a few hours. He came across smart and well put together. So then we started texting one another and I really enjoyed how he seemed to think of me and to text me all the time. He wanted a date this weekend and I said yes. I had told him that I was not interested in moving too fast or anything as that seemed to be a mistake of my past and he told me not to build walls... now, I didn't think it was a wall necessarily, just and honest admission and a hope to be more aware in the future... but maybe that's not the way it comes across, who knows?! So I let that go until last night. Here is the general idea of our text conversation:
Him: hey, what's up?
Me: not much...just wondering. (I have to tell you here that it was Friday night and he hadn't formalized any plans of any sort, nor had he sent any messages for a day or two... the latter not being much of an issue, but you get the idea)
Him: wondering what?
Me: wondering what's going on for the weekend.
Him: Me too, you got kinda quiet.
Me: I got quiet because you did... not gonna chase you down! hahaha
Him: Be sweet, never asked you to chase me... I detect a wall going up.
Me: why do you see walls where there are none?
Him: okay, just seems like you have a men are all dogs things going. I am not your other men, those were YOUR mistakes.
Me: wow, enough said.
Me: I don't really appreciate being insulted like that. I have nothing but respect for my past men... sure, mistakes were made, but on both sides.
Him: just saying.
Me: Maybe you are the one projecting, maybe your past women were man haters, but I'm not.
Him: no, they were lovers, loved me.
Me: good.
Him: smile, buddy.
Me:(silence.... I mean, really, what does one say to that?!)
Him: or not.
Me: I really don't know what to say to someone who insults me and doesn't even know me... someone who I was interested in having a date with.
Him: wasn't meant to insult, was meant to loosen you up a little.And your use of the past tense was makes me think you aren't interested anymore.
Me: if was anymore loosened up, I'd stop breathing! And I have lost interest. I don't like being insulted before I even meet a person.
Me (again): and to be honest, you should like me for me... it's simple. Whether I am high strung or laid back.
Him: nah, see now I lost interest.
Me: no worries, you were just one in the sea of many.
Him: lol
Me: just saying (and then I deleted him contact info from my phone)

So... how did I do, gang? My roomie was insulted on my behalf when I read her his messages and my responses last night. She said good riddance to bad rubbish (which I agree with). Did I pass one of the first tests of my promise to myself? I think so. Yah me!


  1. Why don't you meet guys in bars like they did in the good old days?

  2. If only I could... but when you are in your thirties and the only men in bars are just boys... well, you know how that goes! hahaha And there aren't any bars like that here.

  3. Yay You!!!! Welldone! What a loser that one!

  4. LOSER! SO glad you did not go out with him!!!

  5. I know, right?! And yet, it is nearly impossible for me to meet a good quality guy and date them... *sigh*

  6. I don't know... you do seem sound like you have a bit of a gaurd up, especially when you're so up-front with guys: telling them what you won't accept because of your past. You seem to want Mr Perfect and I hope you don't tell Mr Right to buzz off in the process of looking for him. You're not perfect and you (rightly so) won't accept anyone who expects you to be, but remember that goes both ways.

    My man is far from perfect, he has done many things that bug me and even insulted and hurt me over the years. If I had set up the rules you seem to have I never would have married him. He screwed up lots, but he's loyal, hardworking, with a good kind heart and works on our relationship with me. Do I wish he was the romantic type that brings me flowers and gives me massage? Yes. Would I give him up for someone who is? Never. He does little things that I've learned are his version of romance. He accepts and loves me for me and so I do the same with him. We have the same morals, same outlook on family and commitment and we want the same things in life. We also have a lot of fun together. Most importantly, we respect and love one another. That's enough for me to get over little screw-ups on his part, and visa versa.

    I'm all for not pursuing a relationship when it doesn't look like it'll work. But I hope you're not as hypersensative as you appear to be to men's faults. They're men, not women, then think and act different but they also deserve to be loved for who they are, imperfections and all. I doubt you'd accept a guy who was high-strung before the first date, so don't expect a man to desperately try to woo you after you've demonstrated (and literally stated) that that's who you are. Expect to work just as hard at making a man happy as you expect him to work for you. Relationships only work if they're even.

  7. If you're truely looking for a lasting relationship here's a good quote "It’s about finding true love by looking for what’s important and letting go of those thing’s that aren’t" Lori Gottlieb author of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” There's a excellent excerpt from her book here:

  8. Dear Anonymous... thanks so much for your comment. I am sure that I do have my guard up. But just a slight correction, I never told the guy that I was high strung... he kept implying that I was during our numerous communications in the days previous and I kept trying to explain to him that I was not and it finally got on my nerves. In the beginning, he was really interested and I kept things very relaxed and flirtatious and then the next thing I know, the guy starts implying that we are going to be intimate on our first date... when I said it wouldn't be like that, that I wanted to get to know him first, he started implying that I was high strung and seeking perfection.
    I am not perfect, nor do I expect a guy to be, but I do expect to be treated nicely, not like a cheap, loose woman.
    And as for my hypersensitivity to faults... HAHAHAHAHAHA please... ask any one of my friends and you would see that it isn't like that. I am forgiving to a fault.
    I understand that relationships take a lot of work and that it should be even... just trying to find a guy who wants to share the work is hard in your mid thirties... most of these guys are already married or are not interested in sharing the work.
    As for settling for just good enough, I don't think so. I truly believe that God has Mr. Right out there for me, I'm just struggling to open my eyes to who he is.
    Again, thanks for your comment, it really got me thinking about stuff and I appreciate that!!

  9. Actually, I read about that book Ange...the title is misleading I think! From what I read, the book is more about realizing that Mr. Right will not be perfect nor have every quality you might desire, which is something the media wants us to believe. I think the title was a poor choice because the book sounds like it might be an interesting read!