Married Men...

No, no... don't get the wrong idea. I have not crossed to the other side of evil in my desire to find a man of my own. But in the international circuit it is harder than it looks to know who is married and who is not. I'm a fairly honest and straight forward person and I think I expect that because I am, others must be too. I don't think it's exceptional or extraordinary to be honest and forthright. But apparently it is becoming more and more that way.
The other night when I was out, I was chatting with some people (yes, men were included in this) and I found one of them to be particularly attractive. We hit it off, had a nice conversation and even exchanged numbers. Now, I felt like I had done due diligence by checking for a ring and by watching his behaviour etc throughout the evening. He paid special attention to me, had no ring and behaved as though he were single. I came to find out later that he was among those that call themselves "temporarily divorced" for the evening, the week, the weekend or whatever time period they choose. When asked, he did honestly admit to being married, but still wanted to date me!!! hahahaha As I said earlier, I have not crossed over to the other side of evil and I let him know in no uncertain terms that this wasn't something I wanted. He went on to explain that his marriage was all but over, but I held my ground and said no. He then asked if we could be friends, to which I also gave a negative answer. He'd misrepresented himself to me in the times we had chatted (we had been texting after we met... no, not sexting and had met for a second time) and I just wasn't interested in getting involved in that, regardless of where he thought his marriage was going or not going.
My advice to the single folk out there? ASK... ask if they are married, engaged or in any kind of relationship. I know they can lie, but at least you will have asked... and then... OBSERVE/LISTEN.... keep your eyes and ears peeled for any behaviour that just doesn't sit right.
My advice to the married folk? Time for some honest conversations with your spouse... time to revisit the expectations you have for each other in social settings. Time to investigate (not like a crazy spy or the Cheaters people.... unless you think you need Cheaters to do a show on your significant other) each other's feelings and make sure that honesty in paramount for both of you.

I know I've learned a valuable lesson (don't worry... nothing bad happened) and that is to make sure to ask and to ask around before exchanging numbers etc. Dating is hard when you are young, but chances are that most acting single folk are single... in my mid 30s I'm beginning to realize that most acting single folk are just acting... sad, but true.

Dealing with Trolls

First off... let me define what I think a troll is... a troll CAN be someone who is short and unattractive in a physical way, but it could also be someone who is just dirty. And by dirty I mean that guy who undresses you with his eyes and a sneer on his lips... you know the one ladies, the one that makes your flesh crawl. We've all had a troll approach us at one time or another.

Last night I was out with a few of the girls and we were just having a great time. We went from place to place and there was loads of live music going on and the bands were really hitting their stride. My friends and I all looked gorgeous (we decided to dress up a little... makes you feel pretty and then you just are pretty) and were getting quite a lot of attention from the gentlemen in the places we went. It was nice (as getting attention can be), but trolls were lurking. I think that the night club or pub or bar is a natural habitat for the troll-man so you just can't avoid them, but you can deal with them... Anyway, last night my friends and I were having a fantastic time and dancing up a storm. One such troll approached as we were all sharing a table in a very crowded place (not just with him but with a large group of people). He started off being nice but the leer and sneer were already there and my skin was beginning to crawl. I tried to be nice and keep him at a distance but when I was dancing with friends he did the typical troll move and tried to grab me (first of all... I'm not there for a massage or rub down, I am there to be with my friends and to dance and laugh.... second... I'd been clear that I was not attracted to him at all). Now this grab-happy action crosses a line, so I had to get the mean girl that lives within to come out. It was pure comedy, the look on his face as I brushed away his hands, got my teacher face on and shook my finger in his face....
So that is one way to deal with a troll... the blatant and physical brush off. Can't mistake the message there. And the guy wasn't overly aggressive, so it wasn't a big deal. Now, troll two of the evening was of the other sort... aggressive and just drunk (sloppy drunk is just never attractive, EVER). In dealing with him, I was more passive... he took my cell phone out of my hands and saved his number.... I just allowed it to happen and then loaded a fake number in his phone with all kinds of excuses as to why my phone shows up private when calling people so I couldn't just call him to have the number saved to his phone... then I wandered away on the pretense that my poor feet hurt and I needed to park my rear on a stool next to some cute, funny and nice guys. This was more of the passive, mental brush off. It was clear to him that I wasn't interested because he didn't speak to me once after that. :)
Ladies... there will always be trolls... keep them at arm's length and do your best to brush them off as soon as the skin starts crawling!! ;)

And then there were none....

Do you ever notice how your life goes in a cyclic motion? You spiral up and then down over and over again? I know that mine does and right now I seem to be caught between both the ups and downs of my spiral. In one sense, I feel like I am spiraling up because I am learning so much about myself and growing myself into the woman I know I want to be. I feel like my spirit is gaining wings and my soul is opening to love. But on the other hand, I feel like I am spiraling downwards too. A few months back I had NUMEROUS prospects. Men were seeking me out, contacting me, flirting all the time, asking me out and generally lifting that part of my spirit. Slowly but surely each one has dropped off in the last few weeks. They've either stopped calling or emailing (which is actually fine because none of them were men that I wanted long term relationships with) or disappeared from my view (which is also good because it keeps me from getting distracted from my goal - to find my future husband), and I just haven't attracted much attention from men lately. It's okay, I don't feel like suddenly I'm less attractive or taking backward steps or anything... I guess I just miss the attention. Isn't that awful?! ;) There you go, men of the world... I'm admitting it... we women LOVE, NEED and CRAVE male attention, or just attention in general.
So a few months back I was getting more than my fair share of male attention and lately it's been a downward spiral towards NO attention. Now, please don't think that this entry is a self-pitying look at why or how I am not getting this attention... it's simply an observation and reflection. As I said, I'm also on an upward spiral in my life right now that is so much more important to me and will eventually bring about the kind of attention that I crave for a lifetime. So, even though there are none at the moment... I'm actually happy about it. I'm happy to wait and grow myself first... that way, when the attention comes, not only will I be ready, but I will be able to discern what is the right attention for me! Life is good!

Valentine's

Valentine's Day has never been a personal favourite holiday of mine. I always bought into the fact that it was a Hallmark holiday and meant for commercial purposes and that when a man didn't choose me on that day it was no big deal. But then, why did it and does it continue to feel like a big deal?! I think it stems from a lack of self confidence on my side and the constant intrusion on my brain from the media and marketing for the holiday. But just for interest's sake, I decided to do a little research on the history of the day and how the giving of cards and gifts came about. I found this interesting site that had lots of variations of where things came from and how the whole thing got started. And, guess what?! Nothing on there is about how Hallmark Greeting cards started the whole thing... So check it out and perhaps re-evaluate why you do or don't celebrate the day. I, for one, know in my mind that my man (I don't have one currently) can and should be celebrating the love between us on a daily basis, but for some reason it matters to be publicly proclaimed on that day too... so all you guys out there who scorn the commercialism and pressure of the day, think about what your partner would want... it could be as simple as a homemade card or a cup of coffee in bed to as complex and intricate as a fancy date out on the town... but don't just shrug your shoulders and blame Hallmark for the day... it's not their fault!

Quotes about Love...

I love quotes. I feel like the wisdom of others can give so much to those of us who don't possess such wisdom. And since it is Valentine's month, I am going to share some quotes about love that I feel are poignant. I will share just one at a time and I will most likely forget to share as many as I know or come across... but here goes nothing!

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I found this one today and I like the perspective it has on love. I feel like though I may not possess romantic love, I know a lot about what it should be. I've been blessed to see it in my home with my parents' marriage... I've been blessed to see it blossom between friends and watch their marriages grow... I've been blessed to see it in the lives of family as they date, marry and grow together... and I've blessed to feel it once or twice (perhaps not as true as my blinded eyes wanted it to be, but my heart didn't know the difference at the time). This quote reminds me that it's not always about the other person as much as it is about sharing a vision in life and a path. I love that. Sometimes love isn't about me or you, it's about us.

Missing

There are only 3 times that I truly miss being part of a relationship.

The first is obvious: Valentine's Day. I miss being part of a partnership and relationship because this day is the day that most couples really show love for another in a public way. I don't know why I miss it since none of the men I've ever dated celebrated the holiday at all, but I guess I miss the idea of what that day could represent. I do love that I can show love for myself on that day and I do... I haven't decided what to give myself this year...

The second time I miss being in a relationship is when I want to share the joy with someone. Sometimes when something good or funny happens, I just want to call my special someone and share it with them. I know, I know, I can share it with all the wonderful friends and family that I have been blessed with but somehow it's not the same. Close, but not quite.

The third time I miss being in a relationship is days like today. I woke up with the most excruciatingly painful kink in my neck/spine. It's made it so I can't lift my head up, I can't turn to the side and nothing feels comfortable. Days like this I wish that I had a significant other who'd want to take care of me, make me soup or rub my overly tense shoulders. I miss that... I miss being cared for the most.

Journey of the Soul

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." - George Bernard Shaw

I subscribe on Facebook to a "Quote Daddy" application where they send you quotes everyday and the one above was the one for today. As I move into this year, this is what I plan to keep doing. I will create myself. I think perhaps all the time I've spent trying to find myself or find out who I was/am has been time not wasted, but misguided.
I've begun to dub this year as the journey of my soul year. It's the year when I concentrate on getting all my life in order, from my finances to my heart. This blog is dedicated to living the single life and what it's like to do that in your mid-thirties. It's not always a ball of fun and games, but it isn't horrible either. I'm ready now to stop trying to find my single self but to create my single self. And when I say create, I am not talking about designing an ideal physical or personal being but of allowing myself to be myself. I'm talking about NOT conforming to what other people think I should be, but instead listening to the deepest voice in my soul that comes from within and without.

So, single folk, join me on the journey... and married/commited folk too... life is too short to let someone else define it for us or to think we are lost... let's be created!! <3

Happy February, the month of love... let's love ourselves for a change!