A blog by a woman who simply can't make relationships work, so instead of wallowing in self-pity, she decided to explore singleness with some humour and honesty.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Red Flag #4: Private Conversations
I feel like with each entry that I write in this series I need to preface it with an apology or explanation of sorts. I really am not bitter or setting out to attack the men I've dated in the past. I am writing these because when I look back with my 20/20 hindsight, I see some red flags that I was too blinded to see at the time. I started this blog as a place for me to have some therapy for my pain and to laugh about being single in my 30s.
So here the explanation for this post is this: I'm not against privacy, I'm not against having conversations out of the earshot of your loved one.
Okay, let's get on with the post.
This only happened in 2 relationships that I had and one was more casual so I wasn't sure if it bothered me (until he stated that he had a former/current/who-the-hell-knows fiance in his life and wanted us both... uh... yup, that's a HUGE red flag and so should have his "private" conversations been). The time it did get to me most was when I was dating someone quite seriously. Let me explain:
When we started dating and spending time at each other's homes and he would get a telephone conversation from home (he had children, and they didn't know we were dating... see the entry Red Flags #1: Kids) and he would always step into another room. When I asked him about it, he explained the sensitive nature of having kids and bringing another person into their lives too early etc. I understood at the time but further on in our relationship when it continued to happen it was something that niggled at me and I kept putting it to the back of my mind. I began to notice that it wasn't always with his kids' calls, it was his exes, and sometimes friends. It even happened with people who knew about me and it just didn't feel comfortable. I guess perhaps I'm just too open. Sure, if I'm in a room with my significant other and another person or two and my phone rings and I need to answer, I'll leave the room to have that conversation but I usually return with an explanation about the conversation and why I needed to leave the room. But I had/have nothing to hide and never felt the need to keep my significant other in the dark (towards other's in my life or towards what's happening in my life).
So if your partner continues to take phone conversations out of your earshot and doesn't have a good explanation for that... it's a RED FLAG.