Wrestling

Yup, that's what I would call what I've been doing for the past couple of weeks... even before I took the time out. And I don't think I am finished wrestling with myself just yet, I am not sure that I ever will be but here is some of the result of that wrestling:

1. I took some sage advice and cut all my exes out of my life, whether they were friends to me or not. I didn't do it to be mean or harsh or to hurt them... and really, there was only one I was really friends with. I did it for self preservation. I did it because I am not capable of just being buddies with someone I once had feelings for. So in order to move on, I had to drop them out of my life. I hope that it works for me. I just felt the need for a clean slate and no moving and shaking of my hopes anymore.

2. I've let myself get broken down and have a good cry. Sometimes I need that... it relieves the stress and lets me be clear headed again... it also allows me to see how foolish I am at times.

3. I've decided to give eHarmony one last try. I know, I know... I live in Turkey, blah, blah, blah. All I am saying is that it's a decent website and it lets me at least chat with guys who know what I am about and hopefully (if they didn't lie) that I know what they are about. It helps me to see if I can really follow the principles that I hold dear and if I can treat myself the way I deserve so that men will do the same. Maybe it's silly... but I need the practice! ;)

4. I've decided that the time for breaking down is over... breaking down leads to building up and I am ready for the building up. And so I'll start with this:



:) yea... that's right... I'm not JUST pretty... I'm beyond it!