A blog by a woman who simply can't make relationships work, so instead of wallowing in self-pity, she decided to explore singleness with some humour and honesty.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Last weekend I went to a smaller city with my friend and teaching partner, Nilay. She was gracious enough to invite me into her home and family and social life for a weekend. It was lovely!! The place was at a little slower pace than Ankara and was a little more traditional (what I call "real" Turkey), the people were also lovely and generous almost to a fault. I had a great time and felt incredibly welcome. While there I had my coffee grinds read. What?! I know... I know... seems odd. But it is an interesting tradition around Turkey that after you drink a turkish coffee you turn your cup upside-down into your saucer and after a time you allow someone who can to read or tell your fortune. One of Nilay's friends offered to do this for me and I agreed. It seemed like something fun and that it would be for a lark, so why not? Well, here is the general gist of what she told me:
She said that in my heart I try hard to follow and straight and narrow path and that it's good and I should always try to follow that path. She also said that I am a very emotional person (I know, understatement, right?!) that feels the pains and joys of others. She said that it is both a blessing and curse because I care deeply for people, I empathize easily and I take their pains for my own. But it's a curse because the hurt does become my own and I care too much for others and not enough for myself. She said that my tears fall often but at the same time, they fall just once. She clarified by saying that I take on the sadness of others and it makes me cry often but that once I cry, I release it. She said I need to learn to stop taking on the sadness and joys of others over my own because it's too much for me emotionally and physically. She said the sadnesses and injustices of the world can make me depressed and physically ill because I carry them with me too much. She also said that I am blessed because in the grand scheme of things I really do have few problems and I am blessed with most of the things I wish for. She said it is like I keep a tree of wishes or blessings in my life... I find a way to memorialize the good and the bad things that happen in my life whether I made them happen or they just happened on their own and that my blessings outweigh my personal pains. She also spoke of my friends coming to see me at Christmas time. She said that one of them coming is someone who smiles often and knows how to make me smile and feel lighter (hm.... interesting... I know who that is!!). She said to enjoy that time. She also spoke of a tall woman or man with long hair in my life who is always pondering things. (this I don't get). She spoke of a past love (where marriage was mentioned). She told me that the hurt will fade and that he really isn't a bad guy and that I wasn't stupid for being with him, but that it just wasn't meant to be. She spoke of something happening for me on the 12th or the 22nd, but that she wasn't sure if those would happen or were supposed to and would be canceled. She also spoke of my house, meaning my family at home, and that there was love and blessings there too.
The things that she said left me with a lump in my throat and goosebumps. I had never met this girl before and most of the things she spoke about my friend Nilay didn't know about. Perhaps I see the truth in it because I want to, or perhaps God used her to speak to my heart and put me back on track. Either way, it was interesting and I am grateful for it. It's helped me see that this time of giving back to myself and fortifying myself isn't really selfish or awful.... that I don't need to feel guilty about taking care of me first for a change. So next time you have a coffee, take a moment, think about your life and reflect... it's a good thing.