Hmm...

I put that as the title because that's where I'm at right now in my single walk. I'm getting to a point where I don't mind being single, where I am beginning to focus on me. Most (no wait, ALL) of my past relationships have been 100% focused on the person that I was with. My first boyfriend (Salim) was generous and kind to me, but knew that I would put myself behind for him. The nameless faces that I dated after him were similar. They saw in me a woman who would give, give, give, so they took, took, took. Sure, they paid for a drink here or a dinner there, but that's not giving... Then came Kelvin, who I thought was giving too... sure, he gave clothes and things but his heart wasn't part of the deal... I gave mine and he took it, took my time, my patience, and my self confidence... but I can't blame him completely because I openly gave it all to him. Then as I began to recover, I met Will and I felt so connected to him... more connected than I've ever felt and so I gave of myself to him and he took and then didn't. He never gave of himself and after a while shut out my giving as well. I don't know what happened there, but it did and now I find myself trying to focus on myself and giving to myself. I know... hurrah!! yah me!!! But here is the monkey wrench in it all. I had been talking to someone before and then lost touch and now that person is trying to be back in my life in a major, romantic way. And while I think he is a nice guy and I am somewhat interested, I just feel a little burned by my choices in the past and I want to go slower (never mind that I am moving to another continent!!!!) in my future. I also just think timing is completely off right now... I've expressed this to him in VERY PLAIN language, but he is determined to stick around.... *sigh* what to do? And so I am left with this... hm..... and that's where I am... hm...