Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Different Era

My mom is in her early sixties now and she loves to console me about my dating life... and when I try to tell her that she doesn't understand I am sure it insults her. But the thing is, she doesn't.

My mom was married by the time she was 20 and had loads of men chasing her through her teens. She met my dad on a fix-up and had the nerve to not be overly interested for a while because she had the luxury of choosing other men who were pursuing her until she realized that my dad was the best man around. Nowadays it is different.

I am 34 and have very few prospects on the horizon but it is a heck of a lot more than I had at 20, that's for sure! I never dated through my teens years and haven't had a lot of guys knocking down my door for a date ever. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever even been on a "date." I've hung out with a guy here and there, but there hasn't been that old fashioned idea of a date in my life ever.

And I've never been on a fix-up date ever either... but I think that might be my fault. My friends are probably all nervous to even try fixing me up because I am pretty picky (I'm looking for a guy that looks at me the way my father and their husbands look at my mother and them, respectively).

So, times are different and that generation can't understand what it is to be like me. Also, none of my married friends really get it either, they were never 34 and single... I am. I love the desire to empathize with me, but face it married people... you can't. So instead, just sympathize and love me through the fun, quirky, sometimes ugly phase of singleness.


  1. One word Angela to describe this post....DITTO.

    I don't have anyone close to me who knows what's it's like not have be asked out, not to date, be 33 and single...everything you just said! We' got more in common than just UVic girl!

    Thank you for this post.

  2. Amar... I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would be such a different story for both of us if you were here or I was there. Love you!

  3. I miss you too!!!!!!!!!!! If we were together girl then we would have WAY TOO MUCH fun!!!

  4. Do you ever ask guys out? I know it's a bit modern but why wait for Mr Right if you can go find him? The best guys tend to be the most shy so sometimes they need encouragement... if not asking them on a date, find a reason to spend time with them "Can you help me change my bike tire" if they're into cycling, that kind of thing. And as for a man who looks at you like a husband... that dosen't usually happen at first sight. You deserve the best, but you also have to work at it. Give a guy a chance, spend time with him, if it doesn't click, he's not for you, if it does, let it happen and the reassess after a few months. That's the hard part really, breaking it off when you realize it isnt' working... as you know.

  5. Anonymous... thanks for your comments, I am really appreciating them.
    As for asking a guy out... I used to do that but found that I wasn't getting quality guys that way. I was getting guys who thought it was great that I asked them out and they also thought that I should lead the relationship all the time... not what I want. I want an equal sharing of being in the relationship... I want to know that I might take the lead sometimes and sometimes he will. I never want to feel like I am the one putting in ALL the effort... that's is what I have had and I am not going back to that.
    As for wanting a guy to look at me like a husband would... I know, it's not going to happen right away... but if after 2 years, he isn't looking at me that way, then I am wasting my time and I am not willing to do that either. I am 34 and want a LONG and happy marriage with all the ups and downs and hard work... and waiting 2, 3, 4, 5 years in a relationship for that just isn't going to cut it. No more treading water for me.