...are just that and only that, wishes and dreams. Lately, I've really been struggling with the fact that my life is nothing like I wished or dreamed that it would be. This is the first holiday season alone without the one that I had thought I would spend my life with and it's one full of tears and mourning so far. I am not mourning the loss of him (for obviously he wasn't THE ONE) but instead I am mourning the loss of MY wishes and MY dreams.
I'm not your typically girly girl. I don't like pink all that much (sure, on a scarf, but a whole top... um... NO!!), I don't like frills and glitter. I like things that are simple and beautiful. I like reality. I've never dreamed of being a mommy like most women I know, but I have dreamed of being married and as you can tell from the title of this entire blog, I am not.
When I was a kid, I saw myself being married in my late twenties, but when I got there I just wasn't ready for that (not that I had any takers) and so I thought in my early thirties I'd find the one... and then I thought I did and I thought that wishes and dreams do come true. But those got tossed on the rocks this last summer and at 34, as I reflect on my life I see that so little has turned out like my wishes and dreams.
When I was little I wanted to write books that would touch people's lives and I wanted to help people. These were my dreams... and my wishes were to do that alongside someone who would love me and look at me the way my father does with my mother (they've been married 42 years!). But at 34, I look around and see that I do get to help people as I teach and that is a HUGE blessing, but that is where it ends. I do not write books that touch people's lives (I hope that my 3 blogs at least touch someone's life) and I am no one's helpmate, no one looks at me or loves me the way that my father does my mother and there is slim to no chance that I'll ever have the pleasure of loving someone for 42 years like they have.
So I've come to see that wishes and dreams are just fanciful things to fill your head with to pass the time... they are not reality for most of us and if they are for you then I am so happy for you... it's good to know that someone has that! :)
"The Perfect Relationship"
5 years ago