Vacationing Alone... AGAIN

So, I've become that woman... the one that takes all her holidays alone, or stays home and takes care of other people's pets instead of being invited to travel with them. It's just hit me today as I'm sitting here trying to think of what to do with the winter break that is coming up in December. I live internationally, so people use it as a time to travel, see family and generally have fun. I was really lucky last year to have a few of my closest friends choose to come and see me, but this year, it looks like I'm traveling solo. I am so tired of it. I'm tired of going to parties and events solo, I'm tired of traveling solo and I'm tired of being asked to look after people's pets instead of being invited to take a trip as part of a group of friends. Am I really that miserable of a person? I don't think I am... I'm pretty happy for the most part. I love to be social and to hang out with people, I love to organize trips and parties, I love to laugh and I love to be included most of all. Maybe people think I prefer being solo... OH GOD!! Does this mean I'm in the old maid category?!?! Probably... *sigh*
I guess I should stop having a pity party about being alone, I know lots of my married friends would tell me that I should be so blessed as to be able to travel alone, go where I want, when I want. But they aren't seeing the blessings in their own lives either... they always have someone to talk to and share meals with on vacations. They get to take pictures together and they don't have to take that always horrible, never cute photo of themselves with the long arm. hahaha They get to create memories and reminisce over them for years to come. There is someone to laugh with when things are funny and someone to help you when you feel lost or frustrated.
I know, I know, the grass is always greener on the other side, right? But I've said it before and I will say it again... I understand that relationships and marriages are truly hard work. I know that it isn't all sunny skies and rainbows. But I can pretty much guarantee that all my married friends who read this and tell me I'm blessed to be single would NEVER give up their husbands if push came to shove... they'd never trade their lives. But I'd trade my single life in a heartbeat.

The Same Guy

I seem to continually date the same guy, just wrapped in a different package. Tall or short, athletic or not, they all tend to be the same. Unavailable! And, no, I don't mean married or dating someone else... I mean emotionally unavailable. I have a very special knack for finding the nicest, cutest, funniest guy in the crowd who wants to date but who is also emotionally unavailable. It's a special talent, I know... because most women don't seem to have it. Sure, they date a few of those guys and then find one who is emotionally available and all of those other things too. *sigh* Perhaps I find these guys because I'm not really available either (even though I'd like to think that I am), or because I am just plain scared of what it would be like to date someone who is emotionally available and ready to go to the next level in a relationship. Whatever the cause may be, I just keep dating the same guy... it's like being in the revolving door or treadmill of dating and it's starting to get boring! I think I'm ready to run the race, so how do I stop finding these guys? I guess I should spend a little more time evaluating myself and my own emotional availability.

Shut Trap, Avoid Self Sabotage

This is how I feel at the moment. And I think it's taken me many failed dating situations and relationships to get to this point. And the point that I'm at is that when getting to know someone new... try NOT to over-analyze every little word, message or anything else. Instead, enjoy the getting to know. Also, try not to demand too much in the beginning. In the getting to know a person, there is a feeling out of boundaries (which I feel like I am free to state at will... that's my perogative... but I also need to be realistic and gentle in stating what my boundaries.... if you know me, you know that I generally jump to listing EVERYthing that might be an issue right from get go) and what you will or will not accept. Generally, I mess this part up by becoming demanding with my list of "requirements" when in truth, what I need to do is relax, take the time to LISTEN and get to know the other person instead of jumping to conclusions and putting endings on sentences that are unspoken as of yet. So basically, my current approach is to SHUT UP, LISTEN and get to know the person and by doing this, I am hoping to avoid my normal special skill of sabotaging anything before it even gets started. Now, you may think that my "new" outlook is simple but for a 36 year-old chronically single woman who is particularly skilled at the art (oh, yes, it must be an art to mess things up and quickly and skillfully as I can) of self-sabotage, nothing could be harder. Keeping my mouth shut (yes, Dad, you were right... I am too opinionated and I do often HAVE to be right, but I'm learning to shut it) goes against the grain of my being, but I've been learning important lessons lately and one of them is to SHUT UP on occasion... my opinions and need to be right is off-putting and isn't always necessary for harmony and a budding relationship (don't get crazy here folks... just stating where my mind is at at the moment). So, that's my new tactic in approaching my dating life... I'll let you know how it works out for me (if it works out for me in the future).