I love watching the Wendy Williams show. This woman pulls no punches, she tells it like it is. Today I was watching and she was talking about some celeb who was in their 20s and getting married. She asked the question: Is it too young to get married? And she prefaced her answer with an each to their own and then went on to say yes. And I agree with her. No, not just because I am in the middle of my 30s do I think it is too young to get married in your 20s. I agree that each to their own, but I also agree that times are changing... life isn't like it was for my mother or grandmother. They were expected to be married and in the home caring for the family and home in their 20s. But now we have the freedom to have wonderful careers, to extend our education as far and as high as we want, to travel the world gaining knowledge and culture, to create the being we have always wanted to be. And Wendy said that women should do those things in their 20s and I agree. I know lots of people who got married in their 20s and have wonderful marriages, so obviously that worked out for them but for me... I would never have been ready then. I just knew so little of who I was and I am just figuring that out now. So now I am ready for that next stage but for all you lovely young 20-somethings out there, don't rush. There are things that Wendy suggests all women need to do before settling down and I agree... here is my twist on her list:
-take a trip on your own (literally by yourself)
-take a trip with your friends (just the girls and be silly)
-live on your own
-get the education you want
-live part or all of your dream
-make friends with people you didn't think you would
-volunteer for a cause you are passionate about
-develop your career of choice
I just think that your 20s are a time to really see who you are, test your own boundaries and become the person you want to be. And if you find love during that time, great but if not... that's okay too... you have your 30s for that! ;) I was so happy to hear a celebrity say things along this line today, it really helped me put my failures in love in perspective. I love it.
"The Perfect Relationship"
12 years ago
I would agree that you make better decisions in your 30s and that it's very important to be get to know and be happy as yourself as an individual. However, I've lived the flip side. There is a ton of pressure on women to have both career and family. We're told we won't be happy or secure with just children and to get a good job first.
ReplyDeleteLike thousands of women I did this and lost my chance to have biological children. Unlike most of those women, fertility was always on my mind; however I was told not to worry. I am now incredibly jealous of women who didn't wait to start a family. For the rest of my life, I will regret listening to advice telling to put my career, etc first. Years of losses and infertility also severally damanged my career path and social life due to the depression that accompanied it.
I know you don't want kids, and good for you. But for women who find family important, I feel there is too much pressure to 'have it all' because if it goes wrong you can end up with nothing. So, good for in knowing what you want in life and going for it. However, I fully believe women in their 20s can make decent decisions too. They may not always be the best, especially in the early 20s but it's better to take a chance in life than to play it safe and finding yourself wise but without options.
LOL! Girl I DID do those things! I just dragged my husband and kids along with me! But I will say I do believe I got married too young (I was 19).
ReplyDeleteZabe... I totally agree. I have a lot of wonderful friends who made great decisions in regards to their romantic, family and career lives...
ReplyDeleteI'd also like to note that just because I don't want to give birth to any babies it doesn't automatically stand to reason that I think family is unimportant. I think family is first... I just choose to avoid the whole baby part of it. ;)
Sorry, I should have said babies, not kids! I was trying to speak from a fertility point of view. I know you don't have to give birth to someone for them to be family.
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to insinuate you personally didn't value family, that was more a 'pressures of society' rant that I should have saved for my own blog! I can tell you're a caring person who must value family... otherwise you wouldn't chronicalling your path to that special one to spend your life with!
Hi again, zabe. Thanks. Since I don't think I know you personally, I wasn't sure where your comment was coming from. I totally appreciate it and I just read your blog. You should have a follow button on it. I would love to follow your progress. Oh! And... PS, I used to live in Korea for 8 years... Korean babies rock!
ReplyDelete