As I am beginning to really look at and evaluate this life I am leading and what I want from it, I'm coming to a place of questions. I think I want to find that person to love for the rest of my life... my heart is so big and so full of love that keeping it to myself just doesn't seem like a possibility... but at the same time, I sometimes think that this isn't the life for me. I'm not trying to put out negative vibes or anything but I like my life... I like it A LOT! I like being able to come and go as I please. I like being able to make choices and not wondering or worrying if someone else can fit into them. I like being in charge of all my decisions. I like being in control of my finances and my home. I like being the one who decides what happens and when. I like not answering to anyone but God and myself... and I like not asking anyone for their opinions or thoughts or input unless that is my choice. As much as society seems to want me to marry and have kids and settle into one place, I am not sure that is who I am or what I want.
I used to think that I wanted nothing more than a house and a yard and a car and a dog and a cat and all that domestic happiness.... but now I don't know. I can't bear the thought of mowing the lawn or raking the leaves... I don't want to fix the water pipes or worry about the roofing... I don't want to plant a garden or trim the hedges.... I don't want to worry about property taxes or finding a renter if I want to move. I don't know if I'll love this single life forever (probably not.... I'm a pretty changeable person), but for right now... I do love it. Maybe it's selfish, but I don't know if I ever want to really share my life with someone else... or maybe it's fear talking... I don't know. I haven't figured that out...
"The Perfect Relationship"
8 years ago