Valentine's

Valentine's Day has never been a personal favourite holiday of mine. I always bought into the fact that it was a Hallmark holiday and meant for commercial purposes and that when a man didn't choose me on that day it was no big deal. But then, why did it and does it continue to feel like a big deal?! I think it stems from a lack of self confidence on my side and the constant intrusion on my brain from the media and marketing for the holiday. But just for interest's sake, I decided to do a little research on the history of the day and how the giving of cards and gifts came about. I found this interesting site that had lots of variations of where things came from and how the whole thing got started. And, guess what?! Nothing on there is about how Hallmark Greeting cards started the whole thing... So check it out and perhaps re-evaluate why you do or don't celebrate the day. I, for one, know in my mind that my man (I don't have one currently) can and should be celebrating the love between us on a daily basis, but for some reason it matters to be publicly proclaimed on that day too... so all you guys out there who scorn the commercialism and pressure of the day, think about what your partner would want... it could be as simple as a homemade card or a cup of coffee in bed to as complex and intricate as a fancy date out on the town... but don't just shrug your shoulders and blame Hallmark for the day... it's not their fault!

Quotes about Love...

I love quotes. I feel like the wisdom of others can give so much to those of us who don't possess such wisdom. And since it is Valentine's month, I am going to share some quotes about love that I feel are poignant. I will share just one at a time and I will most likely forget to share as many as I know or come across... but here goes nothing!

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I found this one today and I like the perspective it has on love. I feel like though I may not possess romantic love, I know a lot about what it should be. I've been blessed to see it in my home with my parents' marriage... I've been blessed to see it blossom between friends and watch their marriages grow... I've been blessed to see it in the lives of family as they date, marry and grow together... and I've blessed to feel it once or twice (perhaps not as true as my blinded eyes wanted it to be, but my heart didn't know the difference at the time). This quote reminds me that it's not always about the other person as much as it is about sharing a vision in life and a path. I love that. Sometimes love isn't about me or you, it's about us.

Missing

There are only 3 times that I truly miss being part of a relationship.

The first is obvious: Valentine's Day. I miss being part of a partnership and relationship because this day is the day that most couples really show love for another in a public way. I don't know why I miss it since none of the men I've ever dated celebrated the holiday at all, but I guess I miss the idea of what that day could represent. I do love that I can show love for myself on that day and I do... I haven't decided what to give myself this year...

The second time I miss being in a relationship is when I want to share the joy with someone. Sometimes when something good or funny happens, I just want to call my special someone and share it with them. I know, I know, I can share it with all the wonderful friends and family that I have been blessed with but somehow it's not the same. Close, but not quite.

The third time I miss being in a relationship is days like today. I woke up with the most excruciatingly painful kink in my neck/spine. It's made it so I can't lift my head up, I can't turn to the side and nothing feels comfortable. Days like this I wish that I had a significant other who'd want to take care of me, make me soup or rub my overly tense shoulders. I miss that... I miss being cared for the most.

Journey of the Soul

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." - George Bernard Shaw

I subscribe on Facebook to a "Quote Daddy" application where they send you quotes everyday and the one above was the one for today. As I move into this year, this is what I plan to keep doing. I will create myself. I think perhaps all the time I've spent trying to find myself or find out who I was/am has been time not wasted, but misguided.
I've begun to dub this year as the journey of my soul year. It's the year when I concentrate on getting all my life in order, from my finances to my heart. This blog is dedicated to living the single life and what it's like to do that in your mid-thirties. It's not always a ball of fun and games, but it isn't horrible either. I'm ready now to stop trying to find my single self but to create my single self. And when I say create, I am not talking about designing an ideal physical or personal being but of allowing myself to be myself. I'm talking about NOT conforming to what other people think I should be, but instead listening to the deepest voice in my soul that comes from within and without.

So, single folk, join me on the journey... and married/commited folk too... life is too short to let someone else define it for us or to think we are lost... let's be created!! <3

Happy February, the month of love... let's love ourselves for a change!

Love

"A life without love is of no account. Don't ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western... Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple.

Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire!

The universe turns differently when fire loves water."

A quote from Rumi, via Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak

I've just finished this book and these, the final words from the story resounded so deeply in my soul that I wept. I wasn't sad for my singleness, but sad because I was working so hard in my past to label and define love. I've been working so hard to compartmentalize it. In this box goes the love for family and in that goes the one for friends... in the fancy box there is a space reserved for romantic love and here there is a box with love for children and over there is the box of love for God. I've worked so hard to see the differences in love, but have failed to see how love truly is the water of life (it's written everywhere, isn't it? Biblically God is the water of life and God is love so... ) and we are lovers, whose souls are fire as we burn to envelope that love, as we thirst for it... how can we not change the universe if we love LOVE?! *sigh* So today I wept not out of sadness for my singleness, but out of sadness that I've let fear rule and I've left love alone. I've been slowly letting my fire die instead of building it to burn for the water of life, to thirst. I've decided that I want to stop defining love, to stop limiting it and boxing it up in neat little categories... Instead, I choose to just LOVE!

Boundaries

In my recent readings and self discoveries, I've noticed a set of common themes: release fear and start to love, set boundaries, and take action. So today I am considering the boundaries that I need to set so that I can adequately assess a situation. I've always thought I had boundaries, but I've not respected myself enough to stick to them, or I've let fear of being alone run ramshod over them. So today I am setting some new boundaries:

1. No physical, mental, or emotional abuses allowed.
2. No manipulation of who I am allowed... if I feel something isn't right, I need to stand up and say so and then walk away.
3. Dishonesty is not an option
4. Man must be unattached
5. Man must be communicative
6. Man must share my faith
7. Man must share my values
8. Man must respect my emotions and my body.

I think that is a good start for me. I know that they seem rudimentary, but think about where I am coming from: a string for relationships and relations with unavailable men and a lack of self love and respect. Best to start small, right? Besides, I don't want to put in silly boundaries about where a guy lives or what he does for a living... that just seems limiting. These boundaries I've listed seem liberating! Let's hope by putting them here, I will remember them, honour them (and myself) and follow them!

Hm.....

Okay... so here is the latest conundrum. I've really let the eHarmony thing lapse. I don't feel the need to be on there all the time or getting attention that just isn't going to go anywhere. If someone pursues me on there, I answer their questions etc, but my membership runs out in a couple of days and I am not bothered about it at all. However, I have put myself on a couple of Christian dating sites because, well, I think that those are the kinds of guys I'd like to attract. And I'd hope that they were honest and in it for the long haul... although, you can lie just as well on a Christian site as you can on a regular site. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a member on one of the sites. He sent me a nice message telling that the thought I was attractive and that he liked my profile. I responded in kind (after looking his over). He then asked if he could email me and I agreed. I have an email address that is pretty much just for this kind of thing because I don't want oddballs having access to my stuff. It's also the one I use when signing up for stuff or purchasing online... best to keep all the junk mail flowing into one place. So the first email he sent was nice, if a little nervous seeming and I thought that was cute. The next had some photos of himself (I presume) and a much longer letter detailing more about himself. It was very long and I enjoyed reading it and gave him and equally long email in return. After that his emails became incredibly intense and he was intent to meet me and to push for something to happen. I asked him to slow down... I'm in no rush, I am loving that I am figuring out how not to be the fall back girl (by the way... I think the lovely distraction is done too... I want more than a distraction so...) and I have no need to jump into something with anyone right away. Besides, if he is Mr. Right instead of Mr. Unavailable (see earlier posts about Natalie's blog and books), then he will be willing to go at a decent pace that allows for discovery of who we are. Now, he says he's all good with that but some of the emails in the last couple of days have just sat wrong. Not wrong as in I think he's a nut job or that he's going to start boiling bunnies... just wrong as in I am not getting the whole story. He is in Africa on business (he says) and would like to stop by Turkey on his way home. I told him he was more than welcome to stop by the country but he would be responsible for his own accommodations... right!? So we will see... but there is the latest step in the life of me... or at least this part of my life!